| Hill Billy Havoc Peter Dent |
| List of Characters: Lucas McBee - a tall lanky hillbilly with a hot temper His son Tom - looks much like his father but rather bewildered Lemuel Macomber - an old shrewd miser but with a yellow streak Scene 1 Place: A lonely back road in the hills of Kentucky just as the sun is setting. Enter Lucas and Tom McBee. Lucas: It's jest gotta work, it's jest gotta! Tom: (pleading) But why Paw, why? Lucas: Yuh know darn well why. Ever since he took over thet farm north o' our place we had nothin' but trouble. First he dammed up the crick. Since then we had five sows die. Then he took all thet pasture away from us. Why thet land's been in the family ever since my folks settled this here part! Then this old buzzard comes up with some scrap o' paper he calls a deed an' says it's his. And what about the woods on the right bank o' the crick. Thet was the best doggone rabbit huntin' place in the area. Now thet the ol' miser moved in one caint put a foot in them woods without bein' fined. You ask me why I outa cuff thet big fat ear o' yers. Tom: But thet ain't no reason tuh kill a man, Paw. Lucas: Yuh leave me tuh decide thet. Why ef'n we was tuh shoot him down in front o' the town hall we'd be proclaimed state heroes. Tom: Well I don't want no part o' it. I don't think it's right. Lucas: (grabbing Tom by the scruff of the neck) Yuh miserable whelp. I outa tan yer hide. Whether it's right er not yer gonna go through with it. Understand? Tom: (meekly) Yes, Paw. Lucas: (mimickingly) Now lets git movin'. Put the wagon across the road so's he caint help but stop fer it. (They put the wagon across the road) Now you'n' me'll jest set down behind this here clump o' bushes an' wait till it's dark. (They conceal themselves behind a clump of bushes near the wagon and close to the road) Pause Scene II Place: Tom and Lucas are concealed behind the clump of bushes. (It is now dark) Tom: What happens if he don't come Paw? He oughta be here by now. Lucas: Jest hold yer horses. He allus shows up afore nine o'clock drivin' thet bucket of bolts o' his. Tom: But suppose somethin' goes wrong. We - Lucas: Nothin' 'll go wrong. I waited too long fer this. I cleaned the rifle jest fer this. Why I even took a bath fer this here occasion, an' by cracky - Shhh (They both hear a noisy din getting stronger every moment) Tom: (As a faint smile breaks across his face) Paw I jest remembered somethin'. Lucas: Shet up. Do yuh want fer him to hear us? Tom: But Paw this - Lucas: (In a whisper) If yuh don't shet up I'll blow yer head offa yer shoulders. (The car approaches the wagon, stops, and Lemuel Macomber steps out and approaches the wagon) Macomber: cursed thing. Probably left here by some drunken fool. (Lucas and Tom now make their presence known to Macomber) Lucas: Why hello, Macomber. Somethin' troublin'yuh? Macomber: Some drunken fool must have left this wagon here. Lucas: Yuh callin' us drunken fools? Macomber: So it wan yuh thet put it here. Yuh either get it out o' there or I'll sic the law on yuh. Lucas: Where yuh'r goin' the law won't do yuh no good. (McBee grasps his rifle and cocks it) Macomber: (Realizing McBee's intentions) No Lucas. Please! Iffn it's money yuh want I'll give yuh lots of it. I'll tear the dam down. I'll give yuh my farm. Lucas: Why you old forked-tongued codger. The day thet yuh'd do things like thet the devil'd go mad. Yuh got any last requests? Macomber: (pleading) But Lucas what 'bout the law? They'd git yuh. Lucas: (jeeringly) People wouldn't care a hoot whether yuh was shot er choked er strangled. Jest as long as yur out o' the way. Macomber: Please Lucas. Lucas: Shet up. I been hearin' too much gob. Tom, yuh go tie up his hands an' then have him kneel down behind thet clump o' bushes. Tom: But Paw I - Lucas: Shet up an' do as I say. (Tom does his father's bidding) Well it's been nice knowin' yuh, Macomber. Have fun an' don't develop any allergies tuh coal dust. Haw, haw. Tom: But Paw, will yuh let me - Lucas: Shet up I say. I'm tryin' tuh git a good aim. Tom: But Paw I jist gotta tell yuh this. Lucas: Look yuh young whelp, I'm gonna beat the pulp outa yuh er yuh don't shet up. Tom: Please Paw. Lucas: By jimminy, yuh asked fer it. (McBee drops his rifle and starts to fight wildly with his son. In the course of the fight Macomber suddenly bolts off down the road towards his farm. McBee the elder sees this.) Look he's gittin' away. Gimme my gun. (He puts the gun to his shoulder, takes aim, and pulls the trigger. Nothing happens.) What's the matter with this cursed thing? It won't fire. Tom: Thet's what I been tryin' tuh tell yuh Paw. When yuh cleaned the gun last night yuh fergot tuh put the firin' pin back in. (He digs into his pocket and pulls out a firing pin) (Curtain) |